That strange sensation when you wake from a vivid nightmare, only for it to dissolve into vapor within seconds…and if it doesn’t evaporate, you wish it would.
Such was my state a few mornings ago. Only the closing seconds of the dream were imaged in my mind, yet sheer terror filled me in the dream and stayed with me as I awoke. The vision was like an old black and white movie. In the dream I was a child, but not an innocent. I was lost in a sprawling house, frantically rushing from one hiding place to another, trying to find my way out. I knew it wasn’t my home and I was frightened that I would be discovered for the intruder I was. Surely the punishment would be mortifying and torturous. Perhaps I was more prisoner than intruder, because the master of the house seemed to know I was there and was diligently searching every shadow and crevice.
Just when he found me, I awoke and these are the words I recorded in those first waking moments.
“I can’t remember the beginning, there’s just a vagueness, a shadowy knowing that deep shame and degradation once gripped my soul. Those icy fingers, tentacles of death, clinched my throat like iron chains forged to a thousand-pound spiked ball. Every blink of my eye squeezed all breath from my lungs. While I can’t remember the beginning, I tell you truly that I knew it was very much the end for me.
“But then He came after me, and I was surprised to find it was not to capture me or scold me or expose me. No, He was drawn by His passionate love for me.
“He came after me because my absence seared His heart, wrenching sweat like great drops of blood from His brow.
“He came after me, His feet shred raw from running through the devastation left in my wake.
“He came after me hands outstretched, as if they must hold me or be torn from their sockets. I saw pain dripping from those hands, sorrow ripping open His heart, and still He came.
Then I saw that He came after me because He loved me, because I belonged to Him. He came after me to beg me to come back, to come home, because Heaven wasn’t home anymore without me. That’s when I melted.
He came after me. That’s all I remember, and that’s all I need to know.